How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
