I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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