you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just gift wrapped bread.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
that may or may not have been my penis.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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