I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
