dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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