I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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