You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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