Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
