2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
