I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i dont even know how to be here
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
