dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
