He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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