I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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