i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
