i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
