so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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