Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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