We won't sleep together?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
