so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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