I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
