I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
