Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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