@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
