The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Couch. On fire.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
