guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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