I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
