im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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