im six kinds of drunk right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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