Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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