I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
