remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
