every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize