so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
