1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
