OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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