if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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