Your face is a jimmy john
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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