i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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