you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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