he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
