Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
