The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So vagazzling was a success
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
