It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
