I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
