I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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