"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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