true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
