my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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