chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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