You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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