that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
