How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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