the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
