i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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