It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
