In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
