My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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