Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize