O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
