Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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