I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
