That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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