you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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