1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
