trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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