He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
