Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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