I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
