she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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