Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
