She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
