Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
